blood and guts

grab me
thrust the edge of your palms into my eggshell chest
as if you are trying to break the seal
or just cut me open like a herring and pull out my insides
 five fingers wrapped around my beating heart
there is no glory without blood
there is no unbreakable love without faith
...and faith is and ugly thing
when looked at directly in the face
it is frightening and obscene
you question yourself.
"why am I dancing with this monster?"
because it is only way to get to what you need, is the answer

Destroying is 'Homegirl'

Given my recent observations of Urbana Americana culture in relation to my creation as a woman I affirm the following:
I adore and respect my strictly platonic friendships with males.
I  enjoy being a girlfriend.
I look forward to being a wife.
I vow to never be any guy's 'homegirl' ever again.

The feminine form of homeboy is also known as "the down chick". Down for anything and everything. A true friend...of sorts.  Freedictionary.com offers this definition for homeboy: a male friend or acquaintance from ones hometown or neighborhood. This term quickly transitioned into feminine form and is now used by men and women.
 
When said between women 'homegirl' signifies a bond with another female; it is endearing and creates a sisterly connection between the two.  However, when used by a male it can often reach the hearers ears half- dressed in ambiguity. Depending on the conversation the "homegirl" could be just a plain ole friend, a friend with benefits, an ex-girlfriend, or a woman that the male is courting in hopes of some sort of relationship.

As a culture we have hardly made up our mind on whether a friendship can exist between a man and a woman without warm feelings


Example:
One of my sister-girls (who we'll call) Nina dated a guy who had mentioned during their courtship that he had homegirls with whom he was close. She, trying not to display insecurity said nothing. Then like clock work they entered into an exclusive relationship and these homegirls started to overstep boundaries one after the other. Pining for the attentions of a man that in the past had flirted with them, "kicked it" with them, gave them a shoulder to cry on and maybe had even dated them at a one point.
 If it were me  I would have boogied my black ass out of that situation faster than a Maserati, yet Nina only managed to move like a 2001 stick-shifted Honda accord.
 The problem was that none of these women really knew where they stood with him. Were they just friends or a little more? Some of these "homegirls" still thought they had a chance at Nina's spot and had no respect for her position as his girlfriend. They were merely part of his stable and Nina, at the time was just a prize horse.


 Through this situation and others I hypothesize that 'homegirl' is just a name tag for a girl who really has no particular function or title. She is just...there. I've been a "HG" and pretty much every girl I know has been one too.  

All things considered; my point is this. The best piece of advice that I can muster up for my Sistren today is not to get caught in some aqueous relationship with a guy that doesn't care enough about you to honor your womanhood and let you know exactly where you stand. Are you a friend? A lover? or his one and only. Esteem yourself and make him clarify  

pre... mortem

enough rope to bind

more pills than  needed

blood and water mingled together

this is the scene

this is Hollywood's interpretation

that is complicated

 and should be pared down

 no decaying body in this case

no growing one either

a prick, a puncture and deep kiss/suck at the opening 

 pulled from there the whisper of immortality

Feel like Im sixteen again
drawing big hearts on notebook paper with both our names in them
I keep writing these texts but I never ever hit send

is it butterflies a palpitation or just bad indegestion?
confused because I feel too old to be feeling like this
like a kid
and I think i might be too young to be feeling like this I'm older but im still a big kid
I like freedom on friday nights
i like to be out and about
but these days im all in my head instead

im still embarrassed because I know you saw me look at you
then look away
like i wasnt looking it you
but i know you say me

I feel like next time I see you Im gonna punch you in the arm
isnt that how we did it in grade school?
couldnt express our feelings
a love tap
and you'll know i meant no harm

absolutley not!!

check out the article after the jump...and decide for yourself


Mark of the Beast maybe??

not going to change

There is nothing that you can say or do to me that will make me stop loving you
No matter what I will always want to be around you.
I don't need anyone or anything
I'm OK with being alone.

So don't think I just want to be with somebody, anybody
I prefer your body

I will never  fight you
but I will fight with you
against them... that... those...
I will fight for you
through your fear and doubt

All the pretty girls you kissed before
will fall away
like ash
like yesterday

Then I will be there still waiting for you to catch up
to come up and stand beside me
to come up and stand in happiness

but after waiting for so long
there will be another person
that will find my tenacity appealing
and I will settle for him
and he will make me smile

but I will always think of you
and wonder if
you ever really knew
how thick these emotions have grown

So even then there will be nothing that has stopped me from loving you
no man
no suns, no moons
I am scared that I will always feel this way

thank You God

like stars shine without even knowing that they are beautiful to us.
flowers blooming on a branch because, it's  just their time.
Tha'ts how my love is.

automatic.
and even as much as I'd like to shift gears
I keep driving into this soft, graceful place.

You are my oxygen
I can breathe underwater
but I need to come up sometimes

You are my  rest
I can go all night and not shut an eye
but I need to lay and relax sometimes

I love You because You are You.

I am not a monster, I am not the dark,

What is there to fear?
That I would squeeze the air from your chest as we hugged?

That I should suck the life from you as we kissed?
That I should take your sight when I looked into your eyes?

That your voice would escape you if you told me that you cared?

What is there to fear?

Would I paralyze you as I wrapped my legs around yours at night?
Would your hands seize into unusable fists if I put my fingers between yours?
Would your hair fall from unto the floor if you laid your head on me?

What is there to fear?
I dont think your family would disown you if I came to dinner.
I dont think your house would catch on fire if I stayed for more than the night.
I dont think you would go broke if you bought me a bouquet of flowers.

What is there to fear, my dear?
What makes you stand back from me?

say a prayer, find a cure, ask for help
I'll walk you through the steps. of letting go. of phobias

There is nothing to fear but fear itself

I. am here. I am not a bumping thing in the night
We can do this together. I am safety, security.
Don't be scared

in presence

Im glad I found God again so that I dont have to live through tortured evenings anymore.
made new by hot tools used to burn and straighten out
Tips of toes
soft of palms
curling eyelashes
all made new

There were certain things missing from me
but I have gained them all back now.

The trouble with love

Another man, with whom I was less interested in, asked me. 

how rough is it?

jack daniels no chaser- rough
  grow hair on your chest- rough
sand paper on the elbows and knees

bleed

that's how my heat is.
get all the stains out
that's how my bleach is

the others pale in comparison- bleakness

its all fireworks and chilli peppers around here

but thats just the trouble,

trouble with my love is.

- I teach a kamikaze class on Tuesdays, my heart, emotions, and verbal filter are the only ones that signed up-

kissing grenades with no clip

trouble with "my love" is he don't realize I'm alive
He holds his breath, time of death
He sees a ghost of me,  one that smiles like an angel and pretends to be free

but I'm still very much human, flesh and blood and teeth
...they want to sink in and nip even though we are just play-fighting
 so now.
I'm in trouble with my love

now Im grounded,
black pepper, planes with mechanical issues
-and got a curfew too,
cause last time I strayed out, I got played out
and that shit aint cool

and on the other hand. the minute hand, not the hour hand.

sidenote: I like holding hands, my hand/your hand, is now our hands

but I digress:
- having trouble with love 'cause Im too live
newborns,
Frankenstein,
Saturday night

I hope that answers your question.

envelope

kept it [hot] for ten years now

strawberries crushed in white napkins (That is what it looked like when it got wet)

every girl turns type-dirty for you

run a tongue across the curves of your eyebrows

flirt a kiss across shoulder ridges

bitter to your bones

[ I write too personal ?]

[I didnt write this for you]

[The person( s ) I wrote about understand (s ) thoroughly]

I wrote you some letters, but some I cant find

I L st

I'm L st

Made a L st

At L st 

 come to the point

 been holding

 can't hold it anymore

Have to mail

Stamp

red ink on white (That is what it looks like when it's dry)

 black smudge tips on white

lick the glue

this is bitter

Smell the folded paper

I hope you get this

Taylor Pace's debut album "Return of the Phoenix"

Remember the first time you heard Bilal or Anthony Hamilton.
Made you think of  things like your first love, corn bread, or sunny saturdays didn't it?
Well you can relive all those feeling once again while listening to Taylor Pace's debut album "Return of the Phoenix ".

This son of a preacher man croons out angst ridden love songs  and upbeat tunes about hope. The album is musically brilliant and lyrically translucent. Listen for yourself.

To download "Return of the Phoenix" visit ITunes

For more information on Taylor Pace visit Taylor Pace

Follow Taylor Pace on Twitter @mtaylorpace

sankofa143

drinking tons of pinot and looking at wedding dresses
I dont know why, I dont even have a boyfriend
The last one I sent 143 to, couldn't compute
The first one I sent those numbers to is married with kids, to be exact, 2.

I try my best to be all "woe is me"
but fuck the world because I really like "me"
and I know that I try my best so it's "all of yall" and NOT "me"

This is chapter two of my life
Im done growing and now Im looking back
if I was more of the "power to the people type" id get a Sankofa tattoo
but that is so unlike me,
to mark my body

If I look back...
 I stand in the mirror and look at my back
That is so like me
proud of every mark on my body


come to think of it.
 I probably wont even wear a dress on my wedding day
just show up naked
let every man see what they will never be able to have again
let my husband show me and my wonderful skin to all his groomsmen
let the church say "Amen"

So while Im here right now
I can see myself on that day drinking pinot and sitting in a wedding dress
and I'll look back at this day
take my dress off
and walk down the aisle
for chapter three of my life

and I'll say fuck the world
Im not promising to be with you

Then he will say "this is so like you"
and take his clothes off too
and he has the outline of a Sankofa tattoo that he was going to get, but then decided not to

What I'm Crushin On: Anna Lula

 In support of small business I'd like to introduce you to Anna-Lula Handmade Gifts.
The creator Joy Jefferson can crochet almost anything ... green -friendly reusable cup holders, key rings, and even specialty baby blankets.

please visit Anna-Lula at Etsy and Anna-Lula at Facebook to place your order for cool ish TODAY!

For the love of it

Money isn't everything
but neither is integrity

I recommend you weigh both on a scale fabricated solely from shards of your soul
 or on this question "What would your parents think?"

some day
there will be a diamond in your hands
made from sweat and tears alone

there will be a chain around your neck thin enough
to make you think you are free
thick enough to keep you in one place

with one person
with one thing

then there will be another question for you to answer

what is easier than fitting a camel through the eye of a needle?

confessions of a brickhouse

With only a look
I took
more than half his riches

I took his estate without his name

from the mouth of his children's children he gave

I inherited more than my portion


my skin dusted with gold
hematite eyes over opal
lips coated with a saccharine 
I have words that draw laughter from the driest of spirit

He spent less in wine
less in oil
less in clean water

There is no thirst greater to him
asleep
awake
he chases me

transformed by me
renewed
Open mouth for the sap I drip

I gave nothing and gained his world

Fatty Poems: Daddy's Bitch

 
I seent her the other day

she usually

chest out, waist in

legs thin at the bottom and big at the top

she is  more "red lipstick" than Momma

She is like Granny says "5 cent hooker"

Wears stockings with a bunch of holes in 'em

She could probably catch fish in 'em

But she only catches  bunch of whistles in 'em

She's more "wild hair" than Momma

like she been swept up in a tornado

She's a whole lotta rain and then no rainbow

Daddy's bitch

Laughs wild and wicked

Showing off like last flower on the bush hoping that somebody pick it

But like I said I seent her the other day

her head was down

her belly was fat

her hair was pulled back

she look like Momma now

she changed



written by Marika May

he was like gold in your hands...

he still lives in my poems like the tale of God lived in those dead sea scrolls


i have to hold on to the shreds of that day when it was raining slightly and we rode in your BMW to your house and your mother wasn't home and we stopped at the gas station and the bank on the way  and I waited in the car and when you got back in we talked about your girlfriend and how beautiful you thought she was but she went to school up North, and you asked me to help you wash your dreads but we made out for so long that we ran out of time and you had to take me home instead.


I hold on to the shards of the day I first saw you and your aura beamed orange with flecks of gold and I always knew you were an angel. everyone around you was muddied brown and green, they were the earth and you were the sun. warmth and light, you were warmth and light that i never knew in my home. or the place where i lived at that time.

I hold to the lint of the yesterday when you picked me up in that same BMW that you told me you really loved. I fondled your new business card with the angel on it and you told me that you were going to be a star and I thought you were already a star, now I look up and know that you are a star. That same day we saw some funny movie at a movie theater. I cant help but to think about you every time I pass that movie theater
And we kissed there in the dark and touched each other like we would know each other for years to come.

Im holding the edges of that same day when instead of going straight home we sat by the edge of a little pond and told each other secrets and you told me to stay happy and i hugged you and listened contently to your heartbeat through your chest and i can still hold that same beat in my head today

I hold dear that day when a friend of yours and mine too called to say that you had become a real star. He told me you were gone  in that same BMW  that we drove around in. You and some friends took a ride that night and you traveled into the skies.

I hold on to that school photo you gave me signed to someone else but its the last one you had, because you didn't anticipate getting so close so quickly, but now we'd know each other for years to come even if no one else knew about us.
I hold the fact that I kissed you, danced with you, smiled with you, laughed with you, hid in shadows and found happiness; what people commonly know as happiness. I held your hands tight and passionate on several days through a few seasons, I ll hold to that.

Oscar gets a celly

HAHA!! disrespect from all angles!!

backyard bbq

feathers fall into the grass

bird flys over naked trees
early spring blossoms

little girls push the fathers into black hair
some tape them onto construction paper

works of art

smiling red lips

words formed from breath stained with chardonnay

tattoos of birds in mid air with worms hanging from the beak
pulsate on shining wrist

a herring bone necklace and a gap toothed smile

a bunch of fast women together

talking of men and nature

giving libations to the house plants

holding two and four year olds by the hand

and ripping bread with another

smoke rises onto grainy clouds

not all of them eat meat

yet they all eat.

red and yellow smeared napkins
everything is recyclable

just like the dresses, kindnesses, laughters.

all are welcome

this is everyone's backyard today

46 days No Hip Hop

I'm not particularly Catholic, but I am particularly a non-denominational Christian and I must say that I'm not particularly "good" at being a Christian either but "His grace is sufficient". Nevertheless, I will be participating in Lent this season which is from March 9th to April 23 this year. If you're not sure what that is you should google.com it, but the basic idea is that you fast in some way for about 40 days. Two days ago my Twitter timeline was filled with "Im Giving Up" announcements... some said they were going to give up desserts or cheeseburgers or TV even.

So I thought about what was important to me and decided that the only thing that I could really sacrifice at this point in my life and be totally honest about was Hip-Hop.
So, yes for the next 46 days I will have to thirsty ears will be quenched by Ray Charles, Killers, and MGMT.

I'll update as much, but I can tell you already it's been REAL. I didn't know that I was addicted to that bass and that KNOCK. However I gotta stand firm because He did it for me.



3/12/2011:
So this is my first check-in since I decided to give up Hip-Hop for Lent...I must say things haven't been as gruesome as I had imagined yet I did find myself reciting "Knuck if you Buck" Some More"  while I was in the shower earlier. I think I'll be ok but only time will tell...

3/16/2011
Ok on the real real...I dont even really think I can do this. I'm just recouping from a bout with strep throat and I lightweight think that this was withdrawal symptom..ok maybe im being dramatic but I can tell you this has been harder than being celibate...and yes I would know.

3/24/2011
Well this aint so bad after all. Even thought there is a special place in my heart for all things Hip-Hop, I can enjoy anything from any genre just as long as it's good. Lately Ive been able to pay way more attention to the fellow brickhouse Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeah, one of my favorite bands. Karen O is a beast and I want to marry her, seriously. Also I've been consuming lots of The Police and Prince.
Yet I must confess while I was out celebrating with my homegirl because she graduated from Everest I was in the presence of a DJ who played nothing but krunk music, which some people argue "aint even really hip- hop" but there you have it. I've confessed and repented...let's keep it moving (cues Purple Rain) 

poem from your homegirl

loved you since I was eighteen
hot sticky eighteen
when i was forced ripe
growing still in green
body budding and shaping womanly
loved you since those summers i/eye remember vividly

back then we never held hands
eyes stayed on the movie screen

shared new music

until that time we kissed

then years later i sing....

 I played harlot 
I played spare
I played cool like the feeling wasn't there

I have to sing that song.... 
like I didn't have clue what a decent girl was
like I didn't want children and a home
like I didnt want a real live " us"

We now are too/two good friends
too/two wrapped up in sheets to pretend
 it's like we can't make anything other than our bodies work

now mid twenties and the feeling is too big
now I'm too mature to want to be "more than friends"
now I'm too messed up for you to take me.... seriously

when we sleep together why can't you hold me past the moans?
past the sweat and the fast pulse?

because I've loved you since I was eighteen
I should have just told you before but,

 I had to have those boyfriends and travel and go to parties and eat great food with terrible people
and perform on stages and hike through deserts and forget that you even existed

just so you could come back into my view again

 I see the man that you are now
changed and twisted into fiction

 you weren't like this before...

until that time we kissed
sometimes you're dead-ass wrong to me
sometimes you forget to be a friend to me
because you don't realize that we've been friends for just that long

but you've known me since I was green now I'm more than ripe
more than smiles and late nights

A woman who has carried her heart outside her body for you

I am a woman who desires our truth
So,
I will put my vanity aside to admit,
I'm not that young anymore
I'm much too old now to be just your "homegirl"

Fatty Vid: A$$ on the Floor/ Dirty Money feat. Swizz Beats

source


Its finally Friday and I predict that by 12 midnight most of you will be at your designated spot getting "Brazilian Carnival wasted", and you'd be so lucky if your DJ played this joint right here. Happy Friday!

It's Alot of Things: Thirst from all directions

YOUR FACE IS ANNOYING!!!
I am beyond shamed to say I actually watched this video in it's entirety but I digress....
I have so much to say about this right here.It is far from my character to criticize and bad mouth other women but this ish right here deserves some strong words.

Jump in to watch the video

Read more »

Fatty Dedications: To all my sistergirls at the cross roads

                            video from Youtube.com (NoDoubtVevo)


Oh Gwen! this is REAL RAP RAW (as Kevin Harts alter ego Choc Drop would say)


These days it seems as if there is so much pressure on a young sister. So many expectations from family friends and even the government to do one thing or another. To live one way or another. Growing up in this era that has handed women the right to choose...everything. Yet, as the scripture says "to whom much is given much is required".

Read more »

What Im Crushing On: The Flat Gold Glam Chain Watch

I love twirling through the globalgrind.com website, mainly the fashion section....Look what I found today. 'The Flat Gold Glam Chin Watch' by La Mer...Just Beautiful.

photos from globalgrind.com

You can get it for the low low at Global Grind

Kanye "All of the Lights"...Equal parts Epilepsy, Almost Nakedness and Kids

Remember in 1997 when all those kids in Japan had seizures at the same time, whatever you probably don't. just google it   or click the link... http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/1999/06/990601080722.htm

with that being said:

I really love Kanye and Rihanna both with all my heart... and Kokaine Kudi (as I like to call him) is pretty cool too. So when I heard "All of the Lights" I was really excited and happy with the overall sound.Then one day my Twitter timeline was abuzz with critques of the 'new Kanye video'. and I'm like how could a ride or die fan like myself miss the memo and have all these people see the video before me. I feverishly jumped on to my Youtube account to see the visual interpretation of what I consider a banger! then....I almost lost my lunch. 

If you'd like to treat yourself to a bit o' nausea jump in below.
(NO, Like for real, Hype Williams use ALLLL of the lights....)

Read more »

Feline Food

my pussycat ate our friendship
caught it by the tail
licked it clean to the bone

my pussycat liked our friendship
it was juicy and sweet
plain with nothing on top

my pussycat had eaten other friendships
most of them small and insignificant
one or two that were epic
most of them harmless


my pussycat likes eating friendships
her comfort food
the taste is familiar
each one different but still...similar

my pussycat is in pain from our friendship
slid her tongue against a sharp edge
she ate too fast
realized she shouldn't have licked it at all

my pussycat doesnt like friendships anymore
she lets them run free
she knows they taste good but
she rather have something else to eat

Doxx/ She Rather Die

                                                 video from youtube.com property of PlaygroundBullyTv


If you aint heard of the homie  Doxx... then you ain't nobody.
The Cleavland native offers us his newly released mixtape Suck My Soul  ....which is the most awesome mixtape I've heard in a long while.
"She Rather Die" is the single. 
To download the entire tape hit up the link http://www.mediafire.com/?q7dnndnd0at3jqr  

On everythang, I guarantee your going to love it.

xo!